Friday, January 11, 2013

Ladies at the Driving Range

I decided it was time to visit the driving range and get in some January practice. It's been about six weeks since I've struck a ball, so it was important to keep working on the lessons I was given last year.

I was wrapping up my session when three elderly ladies arrived. They stood by the ball dispensing machine and their conversation went something like this:

Mary: Right girls, we should get the large bucket of 120 balls and split them between us.

Deirdre: Excellent idea, how much is it?

Mary: How much is what?

Deirdre: The 120 balls.

Mary: I don't know. I haven't got my glasses. Can anyone see what it says.

Sinead: Here, use my glasses.

Mary: Oh thank you dear. (Pause) It's 8 euro. Alright girls, we need coins.

[The ladies root around for money and Mary places the coins in the machine.]

Sinead: Don't forget the basket Mary. I forgot last time and the balls went everywhere.

[120 balls prove too many for the basket and balls start bouncing down the aisle, proceeded by mass panic, women scattering and frightful embarrassment as balls are collected.]

[The ladies move off to three bays, side by side, and the balls are divided up. Only there's a problem with using the automatic ball dispensers.]

Deirdre: How do I use this? I've never seen one of these before.

Sinead: Oh, do you need my glasses?

Deirdre, snappily: No! I just can't see where to put the balls.

Mary: The balls go in the hole.

Deirdre: I beg your pardon.

Mary: In the slot. The hole at the top. Put your balls in there and they come out automatically.

[A lot of rattling as balls are emptied into the dispensers.]

Mary: Now then, where are we hitting to?

Sinead: Do you need my glasses?

Mary: No dear, I still have them on.

Sinead: Well that explains why I can't see a thing.

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