I turned on to watch the news only to find David Beckham walking on stage to do a passing impression of C-3PO. Then up pops Coe to receive his Lifetime Achievement Award - and made a speech that lasted a lifetime. I half expected him to say: "There's no I in team... [dramatic pause] ...but there is in Sebastian." But weren't those shorts they used to wear terrible? More like nappies than shorts.
Then Noel Gallagher comes up to accept the Sports Personality of the Year. Didn't know he rode a bike as well.
For anyone who doesn't know the Team GB fiasco and expected the obvious winners to be the Ryder Cup team - the BBC published rules last week that specifically excluded Team GB... as follows:
"For the avoidance of doubt this criteria excludes Team GB/Paralympics GB but includes the likes of British Cycling, Rowing Coxless Four and the European Ryder Cup team. The expert panel responsible for choosing the shortlist for the main Sports Personality of the Year award will decide the 1st, 2nd and 3rd places for the Team of the Year award based on reaching a consensus view."
Some 541 athletes make up Team GB, and it has rightly been pointed out on Twitter that if any of them can name the other 540 members of their 'team' it would be a miracle. And if someone can, then they deserve the Sports Personality of the Year all to themselves.
Personally, #SPOTY leaves me cold. I didn't expect Rory to win the big award, but that's because there's so much more to come from him. The Ryder Cup boys, on the other hand, have been robbed blind.