Monday, December 5, 2016

15 Key Golf Questions for Trump

Shortly, we will have the magnificent Donald Trump in the White House... and given his love of golf what can the game expect in the next four years? More to the point, how long before he:  

1. Declares who he thinks should Captain the 2018 US Ryder Cup team? Nigel Farage must fancy his chances.

2. Removes the USPGA from power and places all golf decision-making under Presidential control? (His two sons are put in charge so they can introduce endangered species to every golf course… that the sons can then hunt to save them travelling to Africa.) 

3. Claims that one of his many courses is the best course in the world… again?

4. Tries to influence the R&A to move the Open Championship to Aberdeen or Turnberry?

5. Decides that everyone who has called him a golf cheat should be water-boarded? 
5a. Actually does it? Watch out Alice Cooper, Samuel Jackson, Mark Wahlberg.

6. Meets a world premier for a round of golf on one of his courses (and charges him the full green fee)?

7. Uses his Presidential position to tell another country to build a ‘Trump’ golf course, or remove houses/wind turbines that block views, or lock up those dastardly environmentalists who have nothing like as much knowledge as he does when it comes to protecting the planet? He's the expert, after all.

8. Removes the White House bowling lane and replaces it with a putting green/crazy golf course?

9. Insists that golf should be taught in every American school and that once kids graduate they’ll be obliged to join a Trump resort for just $500,000?

10. Bans Anthony Baxter (‘You’ve Been Trumped’) from ever stepping foot in the USA again?

11. Becomes an ‘honorary’ member at Augusta (because he’ll bomb Georgia if they don’t extend the invitation)?

12. Decides that it was actually him who invented golf?

13. Launches his own line of Presidential golf wear? 

14. Declares that everybody knows he would have been better than Tiger Woods if his businesses hadn’t taken up so much of his time? Those five bankruptcies probably didn’t help either.

15. Claims that cheating is 'Presidential'... just like lying?

Now, yes, these are a little tongue-in-cheek... but there are a couple of serious issues in there, too. I have absolutely no doubt that numbers 4 and 7 will happen because Donald Trump will see nothing wrong with doing them.

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